Lately I have been struggling with a lot of things. My testimony is strong that the LDS church is true. I am so thankful for a living prophet and I am blessed to know that because of my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ I can one day live with Him as well as my Father in Heaven once more. That being said, the scriptures tell us to "Come unto me, all [ye] that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls. For my yoke [is] easy, and my burden is light." As well as "Cast your burdens upon the Lord" Psalms 55:22
The Scriptures tell us to do these things and at church they also explain what it means by yoke yourselves to Christ. My problem is that I don't really know how. I do all of the right things,
Pray, Scriptures, FHE, serve, fast once a month, temple, pay tithing and fast offering, have tried to live the Word of Wisdom ,I am talking about the dos of the Word of Wisdom. The do not's are not a problem for me.
Then why am I feeling stuck? How do I yoke myself to Him and how does one go about laying burdens at His feet and leaving them there? I have read about trapped emotions and I am also learning about the benefits of meditation. I believe that there are benefits to these things. I guess what I am really looking for is the reasons why I am feeling this way. How do I fix and heal my spirit. How do I feel that the Spirit with me at all times?
This morning I went to a baptism and the Spirit was SOOOO strong!!! The movie was showing of all of the miracles that Christ did while on the earth and the thought came to me that just as he healed the women with an issue of blood, just as he healed the blind, and the lame. He can continue to heal and does continue to heal as long as we trust in him. And if it is pleasing unto him, he can and will according to our faith heal us especially when it comes to healing our spirits. It was a tender mercy and I wanted to feel that closeness of the Spirit to last forever. When I got home and went about my day the feeling slowly became my normal. There has to be a way that I can have that all of the time. I know this because Romans 2:10-11 Says "Glory, honour, and peace, to every man that worketh good, to the Jew first, and also to the Gentile: For there is no respect of persons with God."
This is a tender mercy and shows that God loves ALL of us the same. He doesn't pick and choose whom He feels deserves, He does not have favorites. His love is here for all of us both bond and free both male and female, old and young. He does not favor Joseph Smith, President Monson, or Peter, James, John, Mary, Martha, Alma, Nephi, I could go on and on, the point is that my Father in Heaven loves ME just as much as He loves them!!! My quest is to figure out how to let go of my natural man and figure out how to truly understand HOW to lean on Him, hear Him, and love Him as He has told us we should do. I may be writing about my journey here which is the reason I have written all of this. Some may just be for me and I will not publish if it is to personal. Everthing else in order for me to "process" I believe writing down what I am feeling is going to be a huge part of learning to do this. I have already started to fast tonight. I feel that I am supposed to do a full 24 hour fast from food and water. After which I believe in order for me to truly gain understanding and direction I will continue to fast from food and make sure to drink a lot of water to keep hydrated after that. I have no idea how long I will fast for but I believe it may be for a few days anyways. I am really going to try and follow the Spirit. The longest I have ever fasted in the past has been for 4 days. We shall see how long the Lord would have me fast before I get my answers.
Much love, Emily
