Thoughts and Feelings As Another School Year Ends.

  I know that you probable should not blog when you are emotional, but I need to just let me feelings out. I feel a little lost. I know that God has a plan for me. I know that He loves me and that as I try to rely on Him, He guides my way. That being said as this year comes to a close and my children are home for the summer I am happy to be with them again. At the same time I dread next August as the children all go back. My baby will be in school full time and I can't help but ask myself if my mission in this life is to really just be here in the house by myself cleaning. When she was gone for half a day it was not so bad because I spent time in prayer, scriptures, and getting my exercise in then when that was all done it was time to pick her up.  I felt like I was still important I was still spending most of my time influencing her and doing important things. I feel like I am mourning as I realize that in a few short months, as my children leave my home to go out into the world once more, all of them full time, that my time will be spent waiting. I don't want my life to be spent home alone most of the time then the rest of the time still doing their agenda in school work and  undoing the mess that the children get from school. I also feel caught between a rock and a hard place because all around me from my husband to my mother they are all very happy that I have put them all in school. I don't feel like it is the wrong thing to do I just don't know my next step and that is hard. I know that I am of worth and that my calling in this life will be more then just cooking and cleaning. This is what I picture in my mind as all of my children will be in school full time.
  I thought that it was hard having them home all of the time, but I was grateful to have that opportunity. Knowing that they will all be gone is harder by far. I feel like my value has been knocked down a few notches. Before I had a great reason to be home. I was teaching and training and installing value and morals into my children. Now I don't know what I will do and it is hard to deal with how this makes me feel.
  Much love, Emily

What am I doing with all of my TIME!!! Part 1

  You may be wondering what I have been doing now that the kids are all in school. I do house work even though most of the time it looks like I don't. I really thought that my home would stay clean but alas, the children are still home enough to make it look like they are home all of the time.  I don't think I would be happy if it looked like a museum all of the time. And I am happy to know that they are home enough to still make happy little messes.
  I also do projects around the house. I have learned how to paint counter tops and I actually like them!!!

 

Here are the before and after pictures of my kitchen counter tops.

And our master bathroom. I still need to touch up the paint but I love how they turned out.

 

We had water damage in our master bathroom and we had to pull the shower, tub, carpet out of the room. I painted and then we had it redone. It was the longest 3 weeks not having our own shower. I know that I am just spoiled but I am worth it. LOL my friend Michele Davis used to say that. I will post about her later.

The floors and tub/shower was all done by someone other them myself. I painted the sink, counter, cabinets, and walls. I am almost done in this room. I love it in there!!! I am trying to be patient while the rest of the house is being done.

 Here are a few more pictures of work that I have done while the children have been in school.

 I am working on the upstairs. When we purchased this house the walls were full of holes. I am slowly fixing all of them. I also am going to be putting down paper bag flooring. If you would like to see what that is just google images.

This is our yard. I am working on putting a path in from the driveway to the front door.

I am thinking something like this! ;0)

I love the Tuscan look and this is what I painted my living room.

More of the upstairs.

I painted the kitchen cabinets also.

This is what they were before.

 

That is a little bit of what I have been doing while the children are at school. I will continue with a second part of what I have been doing while the kids have been gone and also some trials that I have gone through and how I have been getting through them.

 Much love, Emily

Its been a while and how times change

   Last school year I was having "one of those days" where it was just one fight after another with school. In my frustration I told my older girls that they needed to go and pray about what they should do.  I told them that it was their life and that they needed to seek counsel from the Lord to fulfill their lives missions.
  My second to the oldest actually did what I had said and about two months before school started she told me that she had done what I has told them to do.
  I was shocked and surprised because I sometimes think that they don't hear or listen to me.  I asked what her answer was. She said that she was supposed to go to public school.  I said out loud "well that was the wrong answer" (being a little sarcastic)  and told her that I too would pray about what she should do.
  Steve and I also prayed about what she should do and we both got that she should indeed go to school.
  This through me for a loop!!!! I went into questioning if I was really doing the right thing for my children by keeping them home. And seeking answers for the rest of my children. This was a very hard time for me. I wanted to do what was right for them and put my pride aside. Not an easy thing to do!!! I really did take pride in being a home school mom. After much prayer, crying, seeking counsel and guidance from both heaven and my mother, and husband, I came to the conclusion that I was going to put my kids that don't struggle in school and focus on my two that do struggle. I thought that this is what I was going to do but something just didn't feel quite right. I was taking my oldest to an activity and she refused to get out of the car. She yelling said "I SEE THESE PEOPLE ONCE A WEEK AND THAT IS ENOUGH!!!" I was not a happy camper. She goes to church with these youth and they have activities during the week so that they can have fun together. I told her that being with others her age once a week for 2 hours was not enough and thought that maybe going to school would teach her the importance of being around other youth her age. I took her down there and told her to lets just go in and see what we both think. We met one of her teachers and her counselor. When we left we both felt like that was the right thing to do. So, now it is just me and my son. Well, we ended up putting him in as well. I would be lying if I told you that I didn't feel like I was a failure, also that my purpose was now gone. "What am I going to do now?" and "Was it ever right?" and so many more things. I didn't understand why I was not supposed to teach anyone!
  Now lets fast forward to October. We decided that we were going to purchase a house again and so we started looking. We were shown this house that was being foreclosed and it was A MESS!!!!! However, something was drawing me to it and I told Steve that we needed to see the house when it was up on the market. We were only able to look through the windows. Time passed by and we continued to look at other houses. One day as we were looking for new houses on the market that house was there. Steve and I looked at the house the next day and we knew that we were supposed to get that house. It was a rocky process but every time we were going to give up and just keep looking a calm reassurance would pass by us, and we would say to one another that it will all work out. In February we closed on the house. There was a lot of work to be done we knew that  but it was ok. After we moved in we found that there were a few issues with the house that we did not expect. And things came clear to me!!! I just have to say that God is smarter then me and knows that I could not have home schooled and delt with this house all at the same time.
  I am so very grateful for a Father in Heaven who loves me and answers my prayers even when I don't want to hear the answer. I am grateful to have had the experience home schooling. I don't know what the future holds so I may or may not home school again. I am grateful for a patient spouse who loves me even through my rocky times.

Here is our home when we first purchased it.