Thoughts and Feelings As Another School Year Ends.

  I know that you probable should not blog when you are emotional, but I need to just let me feelings out. I feel a little lost. I know that God has a plan for me. I know that He loves me and that as I try to rely on Him, He guides my way. That being said as this year comes to a close and my children are home for the summer I am happy to be with them again. At the same time I dread next August as the children all go back. My baby will be in school full time and I can't help but ask myself if my mission in this life is to really just be here in the house by myself cleaning. When she was gone for half a day it was not so bad because I spent time in prayer, scriptures, and getting my exercise in then when that was all done it was time to pick her up.  I felt like I was still important I was still spending most of my time influencing her and doing important things. I feel like I am mourning as I realize that in a few short months, as my children leave my home to go out into the world once more, all of them full time, that my time will be spent waiting. I don't want my life to be spent home alone most of the time then the rest of the time still doing their agenda in school work and  undoing the mess that the children get from school. I also feel caught between a rock and a hard place because all around me from my husband to my mother they are all very happy that I have put them all in school. I don't feel like it is the wrong thing to do I just don't know my next step and that is hard. I know that I am of worth and that my calling in this life will be more then just cooking and cleaning. This is what I picture in my mind as all of my children will be in school full time.
  I thought that it was hard having them home all of the time, but I was grateful to have that opportunity. Knowing that they will all be gone is harder by far. I feel like my value has been knocked down a few notches. Before I had a great reason to be home. I was teaching and training and installing value and morals into my children. Now I don't know what I will do and it is hard to deal with how this makes me feel.
  Much love, Emily